Price of love Read online

  ' Martin, don't' The words were torn from her and as he took no notice she pushed against him. ' Don't. I can't bear it . '

  He drew back immediately, bis breathing heavy in the quiet confines of the car. 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't. . . it's too soon . . .'

  Contritely she leaned forward and touched her lips to his cheek. ' Give me a bit longer,' she begged.

  ' As long as you like.'

  To her surprise Paula slept better that night than at any time since her return from France. It was as though in accepting Martin's pronouncement that he was going to wait for her, she had also accepted the outcome. Marriage to Martin would be a marriage of mutual understanding and interests, and if one partner loved more than the other, it was still no reason for it not to be a success. In the morning she set out on a tour of the wards with Alan Davies, feeling considerably happier than for a long while. Her change of mood was apparent to everyone, though it was the children who took more advantage of it, several of them pleading with her to stay ana play with them.

  ' Don't tell me you do play therapy in your spare time,'

  Alan grinned.

  ' Only because I enjoy it,' she said defensively. 'It's more like therapy for me!' She stopped by the bed of the ward's youngest inmate, a four-year-old called Tommy.

  ' How do you feel today?' she asked, scanning the chart by his bed with a sinking heart.

  ' Better, doctor. My leg doesn't hurt. Can I get up soon?'

  'I hope so,' she lied.

  ' Am I going to have an opcr—oper'

  'Operation,' she finished. 'Mr Edgar isn't sure yet.'

  'I meant later this evening, or tomorrow evening per haps. You could come home with me and'

  ' No," Paula said harshly. 'It's out of the question. I can't go to your home.'

  *Jason's still at the villa.'

  *With Caroline?' Too late, Paula stopped. Debbie had already heard the name and was looking at her speculatively.

  'I didn't know you knew Caroline.'

  'I don't. She ... she arrived as I was leaving'

  ' What did she say to you?'

  'Nothing.'

  'If she gave you any rubbish about Jason being in love with her'

  'I don't want to talk about it.' Paula pushed Debbie's arm aside and hurried away,

  ' Hey, what's the rush?' a deep voice said, and Paula found herself stumbling against Donald.

  ' Sorry,' she muttered, 'I was trying to escape from your girl-friend.'

  'Debbie?'

  ' Who else ?' Seeing the comic look on Donald's face, she had to laugh. ' She really is a horror. Can't you teach her a bit of tact and discretion ?'

  ' What do you think I've been doing ever since I met her!'

  He turned and walked part of the way beside her. Paula shook her head. ' She seems determined to be a Miss Do-Gooder.'

  'I suppose she's been trying to make it up between you and her brother?'

  Discomfited, Paula nodded. ' Does Debbie talk to everyone about everything?'

  ' About everything,' he admitted, ' but not to everyone. Only to me.'

  ' That's a relief anyway. I don't fancy being gossip for the nurses' home 'I can just hear them wallowing in Dr MacKinnon's love affair with the handsome Jason Scott.'

  ' Debbie thought it was love.'

  'Not for Jason.'

  Donald's kindly face was full of commiseration. 'I see. I'm sorry.'

  'If you really are sorry, keep your little sweetheart out of my hair.' Before Donald could reply Paula pushed past him and hurried away.

  That night Paula was glad to return home. She had never looked on the bungalow as anything other than a place to rest at the end of each working day, but now it seemed like a haven to which she could retire from inquisitive eyes and questioning tongues. She had known it was not going to be easy to forget Jason, but she had never believed it would be as difficult as it was. Sighing, she set about preparing herself something to eat.

  The doorbell rang and she straightened from the cup board and went into the hall. Martin had said he might call later that evening, but the shadow visible through the glass pane was too small to be his.

  'Who is it?' she called.

  ' Debbie.'

  Paula sighed and opened the door.

  ' May I come in ?' Debbie asked.

  Paula stepped back and returned to the kitchen. 'What do you want?'

  ' To talk to you about Jason.'

  'I don't want to talk about him. I thought I made that clear.'

  ' But he's my brother and he's unhappy. You're unhappy too.'

  ' Leave my emotions out of it!'

  'All right.' Debbie swung herself on to the table. 'Let's concentrate on Jason. When he found you'd

  gone back to England that morning he nearly had a fit. f you were just flirting with him, got cold feet about the whole thing, the least you could have done was told him so.'

  'Cold feet I' Paula banged the saucepan she was holding so hard on to the gas stove that the egg inside it broke. '

  Now look what you've made me do,' she burst out, and threw pan and egg into the sink. ' Go home and leave me alone I I'm not one of your socialite

  to?

  friends, Debbie. I wasn't brought up to parade my emotions around the way you do.'

  ' More's the pity. If you did, you wouldn't be wallowing in misery the way you are. It's quite obvious you're in love with Jason. The trouble is it doesn't tie up with your running away.'

  ' How do you think it would have tied up if I'd stayed ?'

  Paula said angrily. 'I'm not sufficiently sophisticated for a threesome, you know. Or could you see Jason's fiancee opting out?'

  There was a long silence. Knowing she had already said too much, Paula busied herself with another egg. She glanced at Debbie and put two more eggs into the pan, then set about laying the table and making some toast.

  ' So it was Caroline,' Debbie said at last as she sat down at the table and slowly cracked the boiled egg in front of her. ' What a pity you didn't say so when I asked you a few days ago.'

  'I'm not interested in discussing my emotions. Now finish your egg and stop interfering in my life.'

  'I can't help it. I'm a bom interferer. Jason's the exact opposite. You never know what he's planning to do or what he thinks.'

  ' That's certainly true,' Paula said drily.

  'The only thing I can tell you,' Debbie went on, ignoring the comment, 'Is that he loves you. And he's never been in love before.'

  ' The newspaper reports being just gossip, I suppose?'

  'Yes, yes, yest Honestly, Paula, until he met you he'd never been in love in his life.'

  ' He never said he teas in love with, me.'

  ' Come off it,' Debbie said inelegantly, ' Why do you think he chased you to Geneva? If he was just looking for an affair, there are loads of girls who'd be more fun and less bother I '

  ' Thanks.'

  'It's true. You've got to admit it. You're rather earnest and all that. Not at all Jason's type when you think of it. So he must love you!'

  It was a form of reasoning too inconsequential for Paula to follow, and she concentrated on the food in front of her, even though each mouthful tasted like sawdust. '

  Where does Caroline fit into all this?' she asked suddenly.

  ' She doesn't. That's what I've been trying to tell you. She's been angling to marry Jason for years, but he's never even considered her. He flirts with her because he flirts with all pretty girls, but it doesn't mean anything. He loves you, and I know you love him! ' Debbie leaned forward, a peaked look on her face that made her seem younger than her years, and so defenceless that Paula understood why Donald loved her.

  ' What I feel for Jason has nothing to do with it,' she said gently. 'I admit Caroline said she was going to many him

  —that's why I left the villa—but even if I'd stayed, it would never have worked out. Sooner or later we would have had to part. Jason and I have nothing in common.'

  ' You can say that a
bout Donald and me.'

  ' Not quite. At least you're trying to be the girl he wants. You're scrubbing floors and taking orders— something you've never done in your life—in order to show him you love him. What would Jason do for me?'

  ' Marry you,' Debbie said promptly. ' What would you do for him?'

  Debbie's illogicality was becoming more and more like Alice in Wonderland, and Paula made one final effort at communication. 'There's more to marriage than sex. There has to be understanding and companionship and respect. And of them all, respect is the most important.'

  ' Don't you respect Jason ?'

  ' How can I ? He's a playboy, Debbie. What do you think he would do with himself while I was working? Don't you see it's hopeless? He wants a wife who'll go everywhere with him. That's why it can't be me.'

  ' But if you love each oilier I'm sure you can work out something.'

  'It isn't possible.'

  'I'm willing to try,' a drawling voice said, and Paula stared speechlessly as Jason pushed open the kitchen door and came in, ' The front door was on the latch' he said. ' Thanks, Debbie.'

  Paula looked at her. ' You mean you arranged this?'

  'I phoned Jason last night and asked him to fly back. I know you'

  ' Beat it,' Jason interrupted, and remained, arms folded, expression enigmatical, until the front door banged shut and he and Paula were alone.

  ' So you think I'd want you to leave your job and follow me around?' he asked slowly.

  'You heard?'

  ' Every word.'

  She caught her breath. ' You're as unscrupulous as your sister .'

  ' Worse,' he admitted. 'I taught herf

  ' Why, you' Anger and humiliation fought inside her and she choked on her words and buried her face in her hands. In two steps Jason was by her side, pulling her up from the chair and into his arms.

  ' Don't cry, Paula.' His arms were around her, drawing her up against him. The nonchalance had gone from his voice and it was shaken with an intensity she had never heard before. ' Darling, don't cry, I can't bear it.'

  'I'm sorry.' She tried to pull away from him, but he did not relax his hold. 'It's no use, Jason, we've nothing in common.'

  ' We love each other. That's the most common

  denominator of all.' He tilted her face up. 'I loved you from the moment I opened my eyes the night of the accident and found you holding my hand. Even before I left the hospital I wanted to ask you to marry me. The only reason I didn't was because you made it very clear you were too busy caring for other people ever to care about me.'

  The unexpected pathos in the words roused an unwanted tenderness towards him, but she fought it back. 'I don't want to hear any more. Go away, Jason. Leave me alone.'

  ' Not yet.' His words came fast, one slurring into the other. The night of the explosion I'd gone up to see my father. I wanted to tell him I was coming back into the business. I was prepared to eat humble pie—take orders from him—do anything, in fact, that would make you change your opinion of me. When I reached the factory I found he d left for London. I was getting ready to catch the train when the research lab blew up.'

  ' Why didn't you tell me this before? At the villa, when I asked you about getting a job, you told me not to nag you,'

  That still goes!' A smile tilted the corners of his mouth.

  'I wanted to surprise you.'

  ' You surprised me all right,' she said. ' When I met Caroline Leonard that morning I'

  ' Caroline!' He almost spat out the name. ' How could you have believed her?'

  ' She told a very convincing story.'

  'So I gather.' He let her go and half turned away from her.

  'I never thought of connecting Caroline's arrival with your disappearance. I thought it was something I'd done.'

  ' Why didn't you ring me and ask me?'

  ' When you left without a word of explanation?' He swung round on her. ' How could you think I'd prefer that emptyheaded little nonentity to you?'

  jI kept asking myself that,' she admitted.

  ' But it didn t stop you thinking it.' There was reproach beneath his anger. ' You don't think much of me. do you, Paula?'

  'I love you,' she blurted out.

  'But you don't think much of me,' he repeated, wounding himself with the words. 'If you did, you wouldn't have run away, you'd have stayed and fought. But you don't think I'm worth fighting for, do you?'

  'Jason, don't!'

  'Why not? It's the truth. You're ashamed of loving me. That's why you didn't put up a fight.'

  'I wouldn't fight for any man.'

  ' That's not very flattering to say to me'

  | You've had too much flattery already.'

  ' Do you think home truths will get you what you want from me?'

  'I don't want anything from yon I'

  ' Yes, you do,' he retorted. ' Yon want me to say I'll change the way I live.'

  She looked at a point beyond his shoulder. ' According to what you told me a moment ago, you were going to change it.'

  ' Because it was something I'd planned. Not because I was bullied into it. Love me as I am, Paula. Trust me enough to believe I won't do anything to make you unhappy.'

  Her eyes met his, but she could not give him the answer he wanted. 'I'm frightened, Jason. I know you mean what you say now—tonight—but what about next week—next year?

  'I'll never hurt you,' he reiterated, and pulling her towards him buried bis face in her hair. 'I love yon, Paula. Give me a chance to prove it.'

  Held close against his heart, her resistance faded, and the conviction that he would change once she was his wife grew strong in her. Wordlessly she lifted her month to his. For an instant he looked incredulous, then with a stifled murmur his h'ps covered hers.

  The ringing of the telephone drew them apart and she went to answer it, hoping it was not a call from the hospital.

  ' Wrong number,' she said happily as she returned to the kitchen. 'I was afraid it might be the Marsden'

  ' Are you on duty the whole time?'

  'Of course not. But we're so short-staffed that if there's an emergency we're liable to be called.' She began to clear the table, stacking the dishes into the sink. 'I should really live in the hospital, but I got the chance of renting this place. At least it gives me the feeling of having more freedom, even though I don't I'

  'What would happen if I didn't go back with my father?' he asked as he picked up a tea towel and ineptly dried a plate. 'If I had a job in London, for instance.'

  'I'd try for a post near you.' She handed him another plate. 'I'd hate leaving Marsden, though. It's not likely, is it?' ' No. I was only wondering . . .' He concentrated on the plate. ' Til tell yon something I've never told anyone. When I left Father last time I had an offer from one of his competitors, a go-ahead group who'd heard of my ideas and were willing to put them into practice. If things bad panned out well, I might have ad a junior partnership by now. I must admit I was tempted.'

  ' Tempted I' She was incredulous. ' You must have been mad not to take it'

  The implied criticism made him flush, and he turned away from her. 'It wasn't because of laziness. If you were prepared to give me the benefit of the doubt you've sense enough to realize how my father would have felt if I'd gone to work for one of his rivals.'

  ' He'd have only had himself to blame.'

  ' Maybe. But I wasn't prepared to do it to him. I don't get on with him, but I don't hate him.'

  Angry at her own lack of perception, she dropped the dishcloth and ran over to him, resting her head on his back. 'I'm sorry, darling. I'm a fool.' What a fool, she thought to herself. Because Jason had always spoken critically of his father she had assumed it indicated lack of love; not seeing it as a hurt bitterness that stemmed from a desire to be accepted. The father might turn away from the son, but the son could never do the same. '

  There's so much I don't know about yon,' she whispered. '

  Help me, Jason.'

  He reacted instantly to
her pleading, swinging round and holding her tightly. ' Don't judge me harshly, Paula. I need your faith.'

  ' You have it. But don't shut me out of your life. If I know what you want to do, what plans you have'

  ' Only one plan right now,' he interrupted, ' and that's to marry you as soon as possible.' He kissed the tip of her nose. 'I suppose we'll have to wait for our honeymoon till you get your next holiday, but I'm darned if I'll wait that long for our marriage I'

  ' You'd have to wait six months.' she admitted.

  'Six months I'

  She laughed at the look on his face. ' Never mind, you'll appreciate a holiday by then.'

  ' As a tired businessman, you mean?' He nibbled at ber cheek. ' But not too tired, Paula . . .

  His hands moved down her body, their touch burning her like fire. She pressed, against him, feeling the heavy thudding of his heart, triumphant in the knowledge that she had the same power over him as he had over her.

  ' With a special licence we could be married in three days,'

  he said huskily.

  The shortness of time startled her. ' Can't we wait longer?'

  ' What for?'

  There was no logical reason she could give, other than ber desire not to be rushed, but she was afraid to say this in case he misunderstood it. 'I thought it might be nice if we

  —if we got married when I could get off for a long weekend. Then we could go away for a few days.'

  'I'll wait as lone as you like—providing it's not more than a month I' He sat on a chair and pulled her on to his lap. '

  This seems like a dream, Paula. I can't believe you've said yes.'

  'I haven't. I'm still waiting for you to ask me!'

  ' Oh, darling.' He hugged her close. ' We've had the most extraordinary courtship. Wooed from a hospital bed and made love to on cliffside paths and kitchen chairs I'

  'It isn't where that matters, but it's with whom I' His hand moved to the collar of her dress and she laughed and jumped free of him. ' Now, now, Jason!'

  'How did you know what I was going to do?'

  'I'm a doctor, and I know my biology I' She walked back to the sink and began to finish the dishes. ' When are you going to start at the factory ?' she asked over her shoulder.