Second Best Wife Read online

  Grimly he analysed it. Kenneth Dukes had been his first big client. With his great wealth and ancient name, he had tended to regard most people as socially inferior, and that included Adam. But as the years went by, Adam had won Kenneth Dukes's respect, and they had become firm friends. Yet there were times when Kenneth still behaved insultingly.

  As he waited for the traffic lights to change, Adam remembered the occasion he had been invited to spend a weekend at Kenneth's country estate in Scotland. Kenneth had made it abundantly clear that he realised Adam knew little about living in a large house, and nothing whatever about hunting and shooting, and upper class life in general. His condescending attitude had infuriated Adam, and it had been balm to his pride when Kenneth's wife had made it more than plain she was attracted to him. Yet he had steered clear of any involvement with her until her marriage to Kenneth had become a mere facade, though even then she had been the one to make the first move.

  The lights changed and Adam moved the car forward. Seeing his affair with Erica in this new light, he recognised a side to himself which filled him with abhorrence. Pride had driven him into Erica's willing arms; pride had made him ask Julia to marry him, pride had made him eventually take her by force. God, he was despicable!

  A young girl suddenly darted in front of the car and he slammed on the brakes. Julia jerked forward and Adam's hand shot out to steady her.

  'Sorry about that,' he apologised.

  'I'm wearing my safely belt,' she said coolly. 'I don't need your help.'

  Adam's lips tightened, though he did not reply until they reached the Burglasses' house. 'Let's try to behave like a loving couple, Julia, and not as if we're in the midst of a row.' 'You needn't worry,' she said sarcastically. 'I won't do anything to embarrass you. I made a promise too, when I married you. And I won't go back on my word.'

  Nor did she, but acted the adoring wife so superbly that Adam was almost fooled. His new-found love for her made him see her with different eyes every time he looked at her. He marvelled that he had known her for four years without being aware of her as a woman. Yet he had always been so sure he knew himself well, which went to show what an ass he was. He gave a sudden short laugh, and the woman sitting next to him looked startled.

  'A private joke,' he apologised, then turned to give her his full attention.

  Throughout the meal he was intensely conscious of Julia opposite him; hearing every word she said, even when he was in conversation with others. Eavesdropping was something which had stood him in good stead in business, but he hadn't had much occasion to use it in his private life. Julia was talking animatedly with a man who was chairman of an insurance company in Canada, and Adam's ears pricked up when he heard Toronto mentioned. Then he heard the name Roy, and knew Julia's former fiancé had worked for the man. Jealousy seared through him and he spoke her name sharply.

  Startled, she looked his way, and he gave a sheepish smile. 'Nothing, my dear. I just wanted to know if you're all right.'

  'Why shouldn't I be?'

  Her voice trembled and her cheeks went pink, and accusing himself for all kinds of a fool, Adam realised how easily his remark could be misconstrued. As indeed it was, if Betty Burglass's arch look was anything to go by. It was only as they left the dinner table that Julia, stopping by his side, confirmed his stupidity.

  'Why did you make such a silly remark?' she whispered. 'Every woman here now thinks I'm pregnant.'

  'It wouldn't be a scandal if you were. You're wearing a wedding ring, Julia.'

  'Thanks for telling me. I was beginning to think it was a ball and chain!'

  Adam gripped her arm, uncaring that she winced with pain. 'Next time, don't sit opposite to me and talk about your ex-fiancé,' he grated.

  'How clever of you to overhear!'

  'I've got several more clever tricks up my sleeve,' he warned, 'so don't try me too far.'

  'Smile as you say it,' Julia said, her own lips curving upwards. 'Your friends are watching us and you're beginning to behave like a jealous husband.'

  Adam dropped her arm instantly, and watched with smouldering eyes as she went to sit on the far side of the room. The next hour dragged interminably, and pleading an early morning appointment, he was finally able to leave before midnight. Julia sat silently beside him as they drove home, and he wished she did not look so calm and uncaring.

  'Why do you dislike me so much?' he asked abruptly. 'And don't say it's only since last night, because I won't believe you.'

  'Then perhaps it's better if I don't answer.' 'That's too easy a get-out. Be honest with me, Julia. Tell me what you feel about me.' 'I feel nothing.'

  'If that were true, you wouldn't tense up whenever I'm near you. Nor would you glare at me the way you did tonight.'

  'Perhaps I was thinking of our future,' she said. 'The distant or the immediate?'

  Adam saw her shiver and he put out his hand. It missed her arm and touched her thigh, and she instantly drew back into her seat. 'Was I such a brute last night?' he demanded.

  'Do you need me to tell you?' 'Can't you forgive me?' 'No.'

  Accepting the futility of arguing, he stayed silent. If he believed that what she said was true, he would cut his losses this instant and suggest they part. But he was still convinced that given time, and his own changed attitude, Julia would eventually see him in a new light.

  Neither of them spoke again, and as they drew up outside the house, Julia jumped out of the car and hurried inside, not even bothering to say goodnight. Fury gripped Adam, wiping out all the resolutions he had made earlier. What was the use of playing for time? Of hoping Julia would learn to trust him and love him? She was so blinded by hatred of him she no longer saw him as a person—only as some kind of Satan. And there was only one way to make her see him as her husband: to act as one.

  Resolutely he put the car away and strode to his room. Still keeping himself tightly under control, he prepared for bed, then firmly knocked on the door of Julia's room and walked in.

  The frozen face she turned to him killed all his hopes of gaining her response, and silently he took possession of her, desperately hoping the gentleness of his touch would show her how much he cared. Tonight he thought only in terms of pleasing her, holding his own passion in check until, by soft mouth and skilful fingers, he had aroused her to a fever pitch of longing. She might profess to hate him, but by God, she wanted him! He was aware of it in the trembling of her limbs, the dampness of her skin, the panting gasps she gave as he plundered her mouth and took possession of her body. Yet never by a word did she say so, and when he lay exhausted beside her, she instantly moved away from him and closed her eyes, looking so much like a broken doll that he was sick with self-loathing.

  'Don't look like that,' he begged. 'I can't bear it.' 'I have to bear it.' Her voice was ragged. 'Go away, Adam. You've used me for tonight, so go away.'

  'Is that how you really feel?' he said heavily. 'As if you've been used?'

  'Worse,' she said. 'I feel soiled.'

  Horror gripped him. He had hoped the act of love would show Julia what he was still afraid to put into words, yet he saw how unrealistic he had been. Women were different from men in this respect. They had to feel they were loved before they could enjoy physical posses; and since Julia did not feel this, she was disgusted by his need of her. Yet he knew he wouldn't be able to keep away from her; not now he had tasted her sweetness.

  'Wouldn't any woman do?' she asked into the silence. 'Why does it have to be me?'

  'Because you're my wife and I love you.' The words were said and he could not retract them; wouldn't have done, even if he had been able to. 'I love you, Julia Don't you know that?'

  She laughed, a harsh, shrill laugh. 'You must really think I'm a fool if you expect me to believe you. You want me because you can't have Erica. That's all it is, Adam, so don't grace it with the name of love. My God! you don't even know the meaning of the word. I'd respect you more if you just admitted it was passion.'

  'Very wel
l then, it's passion,' he grated. 'Does that suit you better?'

  'At least it's the truth—which makes it less despicable.'

  With a groan he flung himself upon her, kissing her deeply, savouring her warmth and softness and losing himself in his burgeoning desire. Words of love trembled on his lips, but he forced them back, knowing he dared not utter them.

  'I want you,' he said against her throat. 'At least you'll believe that, won't you? I'll never stop wanting you, Julia. So you'd better get used to the idea.'

  Silence was her only reply. Silence and docile acceptance as he took possession of her body. But not of her heart, he knew, and the realisation made his conquering of her a bitter-sweet emotion.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Julia, no actress at the best of times, deckled she deserved a medal for the performance she gave during the weeks that followed.

  After the night of the Burglasses' party she was careful to conceal all her emotions, particularly the tormenting desire that rose in her whenever Adam came near her. Yet the knowledge that his passion held no vestige of love acted as a brake upon her own love, giving her the strength to remain cold and quiescent in his arms, when all she wanted was to respond with abandon; to touch him as intimately as he touched her; to explore the secret plates of his body and feel his arousal.

  Yet never by word or gesture did she let him guess this, and the heat of his passion for her was flamed by the fan of his desire. That it was a strong desire was evidenced by the frequency of his demands, and every night he came to her bed, taking her silently, gently, slowly; cradling her close and sometimes muttering deep in his throat, though what he said was always unintelligible.

  Sometimes he would stay the whole night, lying close beside her, and those were the times she dreaded most, for she knew an intense longing to curl up next to him and rest her head upon his shoulder; to tell him all the secrets of her innermost heart, and have him respond by telling her his own. That was what love was all about; not a mindless coming together like copulating animals, but an interweaving of soul and heart. Yet resolutely she kept her distance, refusing to give him the satisfaction of knowing she loved him. How triumphant he would be if she did; seeing it as a sign that his plan to conquer her by physical means had succeeded. Never, she vowed to herself each time he left her. Never would she admit she loved a man who was only using her to satisfy himself; who was still besotted by another woman, yet so cold-bloodedly determined not to play second fiddle to that woman's money that he had forced himself to turn to someone else.

  Adam knew nothing of real love. Had he done, he would have conquered his pride and remained with Erica, uncaring of what his friends thought. Anyway, most of them worshipped money too much to have done anything other than applaud his decision. Even Adam's contention that he wanted his children born in wedlock didn't ring true, for in this day and age he could have had them without arousing shame, and legitimised them in four years' time when Erica would be free to become his wife. The more Julia thought about his behaviour the more she condemned it. Adam's pride, his obsession to come first, had made him reject his true love and take second best. And a man capable of doing this did not deserve to know that, in so doing, he had uncovered another fount of love.

  Yet though Julia constantly found reasons for hiding her feelings for Adam, it was becoming increasingly difficult. His lovemaking was disclosing all the hidden passion within her and showing her the depths of response of which she was capable. Only the knowledge that he was still seeing Erica acted as a brake upon her, firming her resolve to retain her own pride. At least Adam had taught her that much.

  'It beats me the way Erica Dukes still runs after him,' Susan remarked when Julia was lunching with her one day in November.

  Although Julia had not invited Susan home again— disliking the girl's open envy too much to have her as a close friend—she still saw her from time to time, feeling the need to talk with someone from her own background, whose ethos was work instead of the social butterflies she generally met through Adam. Not that she herself was any better at the moment, for she too was living a life of idleness. But not for long, she vowed. One day soon she would find a job and become a person in her own right. 'Only yesterday,' Susan went on, 'she barged into the office at five-thirty. She knows your husband's usually free at that time, and she just hung around waiting to see him.'

  'I'm sure he did,' Julia said casually. 'After all, she's an important client. Kenneth Dukes had interests all over the world.'

  'And the lovely Erica's trying to persuade Mr Lester to fly around with her to check up on them. I suppose you know that?'

  'Of course,' Julia lied.

  'Is he going?' Susan asked, then said hurriedly: 'Don't answer if you don't want to. I keep forgetting you're my boss's wife and no longer his secretary.'

  'I do wish you'd call him Adam,' Julia said in pretended exasperation, glad of something on which to vent her anger—however unimportant.

  'I call him Mr Lester in the office,' Susan replied, 'so it's become a habit.'

  'Sorry,' Julia said contritely. 'I understand.'

  'You're too understanding,' her friend declared. 'That's your trouble. If Adam was my husband, I'd scratch Erica Dukes' eyes out. Anyway, even if you're so sure of him, I still think you should pretend to be jealous. It's good for a man's ego.'

  'Adam and I don't need to pretend with each other. We're close enough to behave naturally.' Julia almost laughed as she gave utterance to the lie. The closeness of their physical union had only widened the gulf between them, making her hate him for his power over her.

  'You are happy, aren't you, Julia?' Susan asked unexpectedly. 'I get the impression something's worrying you.'

  'There's nothing wrong with me whatever,' Julia said evenly. 'I'm a bit tired, that's all.'

  'Too many disturbed nights?' Susan asked mischievously.

  'Keep your imagination for the office!'

  The two girls looked at each other and chuckled, and Julia was delighted to have passed off the awkward moment so casually. But when she returned home and looked at herself in the hall mirror, she knew Susan's comment was justified. She was pale and there was a tension in her expression which should not have been there. Still, it wasn't surprising, for on the physical side alone she was exhausted. Adam came to her room nearly every night, making love to her over and over again, as if tormented by spirits that would give him no rest. Even on the rare nights he stayed away, she lay trembling, part of her not wanting him, the other desperately aching for his touch.

  What's to become of me? she wondered desperately. Where will it all end? Sighing heavily, she went into the drawing room, stopping involuntarily as she saw the recipient of her thoughts in an armchair.

  'You're home early,' she commented, her cool voice giving no sign of the anguish inside her.

  'I have to go to Rome,' Adam told her. 'Hank Renson, of Chicago Steel, is having trouble with his subsidiary in Italy, and I said I'd meet him out there.'

  'How long will you be away?'

  'Two or three days. I'll call and tell you when I'll be back.'

  'Why bother?' Julia shrugged. 'I'm always here.'

  'Good,' Adam said without expression.

  Hating him for his arrogance, Julia walked through to the terrace. The garden was an oasis of quiet and one could hardly credit that barely twenty yards away the traffic was roaring down the road. Had it not been for the houses on either side, one could almost have felt in the country. Julia suddenly recollected that she hadn't done anything about finding them a country house. It was surprising Adam hadn't made some sarcastic comment about it. She would see some estate agents while he was away. It would give her something to do and stop her brooding. 'You're looking very lovely, Julia.' Adam had come up behind her.

  'Susan thought I looked pale,' she replied, keeping her head averted.

  It was the wrong thing to say, for Adam stretched out a hand and turned her to face him. Frowning, he stared at her.

&n
bsp; 'You don't look pale to me. In fact you're flushed.' His voice deepened. 'But then I always have that effect on you. You're still not used to me, are you, Julia? But you will be, I promise you that.'

  'You make it sound like a threat!'

  'You make it a threat,' he said heavily. 'If you—'

  A sound behind them made him stop, and he looked over his shoulder to see the chauffeur.

  'I'll be right with you,' he called to the man, then bent and kissed Julia's cheek. 'I'm sorry I have to rush away like this. I wanted to talk to you.'

  'You've nothing to say that I want to hear,' she replied stonily. 'I wish you'd realise that.' 'Still hating me?' he asked. 'More than ever.'

  Silently he left her, and the moment she was alone Julia wished she had controlled her temper. Yet his closeness aroused her so much she did indeed hate him.

  The telephone rang and she heard Emilio answer it. It must have been for Adam, because he did not come in search of her, and later, as she was on her way upstairs and saw him in the hall, she asked who had called.

  'Mrs Dukes,' he replied. 'She rang to ask if Mr Lester had already left for the airport. She said there was no message as she would be seeing him in Rome.'

  Julia was glad she had the presence of mind to continue walking up the stairs. But how she got to the top without falling, she did not know, for she was shaking with humiliation. How dared Adam lie to her like this? Or did he think she wouldn't find out? She banged the bedroom door behind her and tore off her jacket, convinced Erica had telephoned here deliberately.

  Wave after wave of jealousy swept over her, and blindly she reached for the telephone and dialled Roy's number. A pity she had no other man to call, for it seemed unfair to use Roy like this. Still, she shouldn't have any qualms; he hadn't played fair with her in the past.