Second Best Wife Read online

  'Roy?' she said as soon as he came on the line. 'You said I could ring you when I was free to see you. I hope you meant it?'

  'Try me,' he replied eagerly. 'How about tonight?'

  'Wonderful. I'll collect you at eight,' he said without hesitation. 'Is there anywhere special you'd like to go?'

  'Some place where we can dance,' she said. This would lessen the need for conversation.

  'I'm not very well up on those kind of places,' Roy confessed.

  'Then I'll book for us.'

  Determined to enjoy herself, Julia put on one of her most daring dresses, and when Roy came into the drawing room, prompt as ever, he could not disguise his admiration.

  'Much as I hate to admit it, Julia, marriage agrees with you,' he told her. 'I've never seen you look more beautiful.'

  'And I've never known you so full of compliments,' she smiled. 'I'm glad you were free at such short notice.' 'Where's your husband?'

  'He had to go to Rome for a few days.' Julia longed to add: 'with another woman' but restrained herself, knowing that to say such a thing would only increase her humiliation. 'Let's go,' she said, turning to the door, and then stopped. 'Oh dear, I haven't offered you a drink. What will you have?'

  'Let's wait till we get to the restaurant,' he replied. 'It's bad enough taking out another man's wife without also drinking his whisky!'

  Julia looked at Roy's serious face: the eyes watchful, the mouth small and slightly turned down at the corners; the carefully brushed hair and conservative dark suit, Was it possible she had ever considered marrying such a sobersides? 'Adam would be delighted to know you're taking me out,' she answered him. 'He doesn't like me sitting at home twiddling my thumbs, so you needn't feel guilty at having a drink here.'

  'Next time,' Roy answered, leading her out. She paused in the hall to slip on a wisp of beaded silk to cover her shoulders, and he looked at it with slight concern.

  'Will you be warm enough in that, Julia?' 'We're going in the car, aren't we? Anyway, don't you know the old proverb: To be fashionable, one must suffer a little?'

  'No,' he smiled. 'Nor do I agree with it. I'd prefer to be less fashionable—and less likely to catch pneumonia!' She laughed. 'Well, at least aim for a happy medium.' 'Meaning?'

  'That you still dress too conservatively.' 'I can't see myself in tight-fitting jeans or suede suits.' 'Not quite that,' she agreed. 'But at least throw away the pinstripes and clerical greys.'

  'I'm too old to change my image,' Roy stated. 'You can't turn me into a jet-setter like your husband.'

  'Adam isn't in the least like a jet-setter,' she protested. 'He may jet round the world, but it's purely for business.' Resolutely she pushed away thoughts of Erica in Rome with him. 'Come on, we'd better go or we'll be late.'

  Julia had booked a table at a restaurant in Berkeley Square. It was very much in fashion at the moment, and she and Adam had been there several times with his friends. Funny that she still didn't regard any of them as her own friends. Maybe it was because she didn't regard herself as genuinely his wife. It was a ludicrous admission, bearing in mind his constant lovemaking, but—no, she corrected herself, love had nothing to do with it: that was the trouble.

  'What an unusual room.'

  Roy's comment brought Julia back to the present, and she looked at the trellis-lined walls—all intertwined with flowers—the thickly carpeted floor, grass green, naturally, and the candlelit tables that bordered the small dance floor. The clientele were as elegant as the decor, and Roy noticed it and looked vaguely ill at ease as they were warmly greeted by the head waiter and shown to an excellent table.

  'You must come here quite often,' he said. 'I do. It's one of Adam's favourite places.' 'I'm glad you've done so well for yourself,' Roy added, and reddened furiously as he saw the look Julia gave him. 'I mean it,' he apologised, 'I wasn't being snide. You've married well and I'm glad. Even though I'd give my right arm to be in Adam Lester's place.'

  'You were,' she reminded him before she could stop herself.

  'I know. That's what makes it so distressing for me.' 'Stop thinking about the past and concentrate on the present,' Julia advised. 'Being upset won't do your digestion any good.'

  Roy smiled reluctantly, but as the meal progressed and the wine bottle was slowly emptied, he became far better company. Though basically dull, he was interesting when he spoke of his work; and his months in Canada had undoubtedly widened his horizons, so that the hours passed far more swiftly than Julia would have supposed. It was only as they were coming off the dance floor later in the evening that he allowed himself to become personal, obviously too moved by her closeness to monitor his feelings.

  'I still love you, Julia,' he said jerkily. 'If anything went wrong with your marriage… I know I shouldn't be saying this, and that I'll regret it tomorrow, but—'

  'I'd never marry you, Roy,' Julia cut across him, 'not even if I were free. I'm not saying it to be spiteful, but because I don't want you wasting your life regretting the might-have-beens.'

  As if her words acted as a spur, Roy made a visible effort to overcome his emotion, and was soon regaling her with amusing anecdotes about his short stay in Toronto. Julia tried to show an interest in what he was saying, but found herself listening with only half an ear, her mind in Rome with Adam and Erica. Were they sharing a bedroom or did they maintain the proprieties and have two? Jealousy was like gall inside her, making her thoughts so bitter she felt physically ill. She must have lost colour, for Roy stopped in mid-sentence and regarded her with such concern that she made a great effort to smile.

  'It's rather hot in here,' She murmured. 'I'll have another coffee. It should make me feel better.'

  'Fresh air will make you better still,' Roy retorted, and called instantly for the bill.

  Gratefully Julia went outside with him, and he made her stroll slowly around the square before going to their car. Only when he had satisfied himself that her colour was back to normal did he drive her home. His solicitude was touching and made her regret going out with him and arousing his hopes that they might have a future together.

  'Will you let me see you again before your husband returns?' he asked as they stopped outside her front door. 'I don't think it's fair to you if I say yes. It was naughty of me to call you this afternoon.'

  'Rubbish. I love you, Julia, and not seeing you won't alter the way I feel.'

  'It will, if you go out with other girls.'

  'I'll go out with other girls when I can't see you. Please, my dear, I'm not a child. I know exactly what I'm doing, and if you're free to go out with other men, then—'

  'Not with other men,' Julia said quickly, anxious not to give him the wrong impression. 'Only with you. I'm not looking for an affair, Roy. I thought I'd already made that clear?'

  'As crystal,' he answered. 'So stop worrying and tell me what time to call for you tomorrow, and where you fancy going.'

  The next night Roy took her to a concert at the Festival Hall, and on the third evening Julia invited him over to dinner.

  'Are you sure it's all right for me to come here?' he asked anxiously, as she met him at the door. 'I almost called you this afternoon to suggest we went out instead.'

  'Whatever for? We're not doing anything wrong. You're an old friend and it's quite the fashion to see old flames—even Adam makes a habit of it.'

  'I can imagine him having had quite a conflagration in his time,' Roy said wryly. 'I remember the things you used to tell me about him. I still can't get over you marrying him.'

  'Well, I did. And I've got you to thank for all this.' She waved her hand round the sumptuously furnished room. 'See what a good turn you did me?'

  'And myself a bad one,' he muttered. 'Oh, Julia, if only—'

  'Don't say it, Roy. If you do, I'll stop seeing you.' As she said it, she knew there shouldn't be any if about it. To let Roy remain in her life was storing up hurt for him, and she had to discontinue their relationship. If she were as tough as Erica, she wouldn't mind usi
ng another person as a sop to her pride. But she wasn't, and she couldn't pretend.

  They were sitting in the drawing room having coffee when Julia heard footsteps in the hall. She had not heard a car draw up but immediately guessed it was Adam. Her cup shook in her hand as he entered the room, and she set it quickly down in front of her. His eyes took in the tableau before him, and not a muscle in his face moved as he looked at Julia and the man beside her. Showing unexpected self-possession, Roy rose and introduced himself.

  'If you'd let me know you were returning so early,' Julia said, 'we'd have waited dinner.'

  'I wanted to surprise you,' Adam replied. 'And I see I have.'

  'A very pleasant surprise, darling,' Julia said sweetly. 'Would you like me to get you a snack?'

  'No, thanks, I've already eaten.'

  'With Erica?' she asked blandly.

  His eyes narrowed. 'No. She's still in Rome. She had some business to finalise.'

  'Other business?'

  Adam gave Julia a hard look before going over to pour himself a brandy. He came and sat beside her on the settee and idly caught hold of her hand as he chatted to Roy. With the charm she always associated with him he swiftly put the other man at ease, and they were soon gossiping about mutual people they knew in the City, for all the world as if they were the two friends and Julia the odd one out.

  It was eleven before Roy finally rose to leave, and Julia went with him to the door.

  'I can see why you married Adam Lester,' he said softly. 'And also why you told me we've no future together. You make a striking-looking pair, my dear. I could never compete with him. He's way out of my league.'

  Julia said nothing, and the next moment Roy was gone. She was glad he had finally conceded defeat and hoped he'd soon find someone else. Regardless of how he felt about her, she knew they were incompatible. Sighing, she forced herself to return to the drawing room, knowing that if she didn't, Adam would think she had something to hide.

  'I hope I didn't spoil your cosy little evening?' he greeted her as she rejoined him.

  'Not at all. I can always see Roy another time—when you're otherwise engaged.'

  'If you're subtly referring to my being in Rome with Erica,' Adam said, 'I give you my word I didn't invite her.'

  'You mean it was pure coincidence?'

  'No, it was damned bloody-mindedness! She was in my office when Hank Renson telephoned, and she heard him arranging to meet him in Rome.'

  Julia could well believe it of Erica, but was reluctant to admit it.

  'You could have refused to see her,' she said instead.

  'I only saw her once during the three days,' he replied. 'And that was because she forced herself on me.' He hesitated. 'Well, it would be truer to say Hank rather fancied her, and she played along with him.'

  'Is he rich?' Julia asked sarcastically.

  'Extremely. But unfortunately Erica only wants forbidden fruit.'

  'You're only forbidden for another three and a half years,' Julia retorted.

  'Still playing the same tune?' Adam asked sourly. 'Since you refuse to believe anything I say about Erica, it's pointless discussing her. However, before you continue your role of aggrieved wife, I should remind you that people in glasshouses shouldn't throw bricks. Or do you expect me to believe your ex-fiancé came here uninvited?'

  'Not at all,' Julia stated. 'I asked him.'

  'Before or after you found out that Erica was in Rome?'

  'Before,' Julia lied.

  'I see.' Adam banged his glass down on the table and went to the door. 'I'll say goodnight here, Julia. I'm tired.'

  Julia remained downstairs for a long while before going to her room. Had Adam used tiredness merely as an excuse for not coming to her tonight, or had a hectic three nights with Erica jaded his sexual appetite? If only she knew the truth!

  Jumping to her feet, she paced the room in a frenzy of torment. Love, jealousy, anger, hurt, all melded into one aching pain that racked her body and left her too exhausted to fight any longer; too exhausted to pretend. It was a good thing Adam wouldn't be with her tonight, or she would have lost complete control and would either have given herself to him with total abandon, or screamed at him never to touch her again unless he wanted her to walk out and leave him, regardless of the bargain they had made. But no such choice was necessary. Adam would keep his distance because he was too clever to chance his luck.

  For the next few weeks he was exceptionally busy, leaving the house before nine and rarely returning before eight when, after a hasty meal, he retired to his study with a bulging briefcase. Once, Julia went in to him at midnight to ask if he wanted a hot drink, and he had to focus on her for several seconds before realising she was there. Then he shook his head abruptly, as if unable to bear a moment's interruption. Next day Julia instructed Emilio to leave a thermos and some sandwiches in the study each night, sure that if they were there, Adam would nibble at them.

  Her love for him made her keenly observant of him, and she noticed he had lost weight since his trip to Rome. Was it because of the dilemma in which he found himself—wanting Erica and seeing no immediate escape from Julia? Having made their marriage a real one, he now had to wait the statutory three years before obtaining a divorce. Yet he never spoke to her of wanting his freedom; in fact he barely spoke to her at all. He was polite enough when they met, but the friendly, early days of their marriage had long since gone.

  The cessation of his lovemaking came as a relief, though Julia wondered if he was waiting for her to make the next move. If so he would have a long wait. Right now she wasn't sure whether to stay with him and hope he would come to his senses over Erica, or leave and make a new life for herself. But what life could she have without Adam? The answer was too depressing to contemplate, even though she knew they could not continue like this. But only Adam had the power to resolve the situation: either Erica in three years' time or Julia now? It seemed he had not yet decided, and until he did she had to find the strength to accept the situation.

  Ten days after Adam's return from Rome, Julia asked Roy to take her to dinner. At least it was better than sitting alone moping.

  'I was surprised to hear from you,' Roy confessed when they were facing each other across the table in the White Tower, one of the best of the Greek restaurants in Soho. 'Well, Adam's working himself into the ground and I'm bored out of my skull.'

  'Bored women are dangerous women.' 'That's a very profound statement,' she teased. 'I'm not joking. Your husband's a fool if he doesn't realise it.'

  'He's too sure of me,' Julia lied.

  'Yet you don't look happy.' Roy eyed her speculatively. 'Something's worrying you, my dear, and I'd like to help you. A trouble shared is a trouble halved, you know.'

  'I haven't any troubles for us to share,' Julia asserted. 'I can't imagine why you think I should have.'

  'Because I know a little bit about your character, and you aren't acting true to form. If there was nothing wrong with your marriage, you wouldn't be having dinner with me. And don't give me the excuse that you were bored or lonely.'

  'Okay then, I won't. But let's just say I don't want to talk about Adam and myself.'

  'Fair enough. As long as you remember that if you're ever in need of a father confessor, you can count on me.'

  As she entered the house in Chester Street later that night, Julia decided she liked Roy more now than at any time since she had known him. If they had met after her marriage to Adam there might have been a chance of their becoming good friends. But unfortunately the past would always be between them, and Adam was a stumbling block too. He was far too possessive to accept her ex-fiancé as one of their friends.

  She was crossing the hall when Adam came out of his study. He looked tired and dishevelled, and his shirt sleeves were pushed up above his elbows.

  'You're back early,' he said tonelessly.

  'It's midnight.'

  'That late? I didn't realise.'

  'You never do when you work.' Julia gl
anced over his shoulder at the jumble of papers on his desk. 'I suppose all this burning of the midnight oil is absolutely necessary?'

  'You don't think I'm doing it for the fun of it, do you? Or perhaps you think I'm trying to ease my aching heart?'

  'If your heart aches you've only yourself to blame. If you want to live with Erica, and end our arrangement, just tell me.'

  'Would you go?'

  'Of course.'

  Adam's face hardened. 'I've no intention of asking you to leave.'

  'Even though you're unhappy?'

  'You mean even though you are. If you weren't married to me, would you go back with Roy?'

  Bitter that he could even ask, Julia forced herself to look at him impassively. 'Believe what you like, Adam.

  But if you do think that, why do you insist we stay together?'

  'Because you're my wife. And even in today's emancipated society, marriage still means something.'

  'Not our marriage,' she flared. 'Neither of us married for love, and I'd feel nothing about ending it.'

  'We won't end it,' he said harshly.

  'You'll change your mind once Erica's free to marry you.'

  'Don't tell me you're pleading her cause?' Adam asked derisively. 'Or are you really pleading your own? But it won't do any good. You'll have to make it clear to Roy that I'm holding you to the bargain we made.'

  'No one must ever touch anything that belongs to you, must they, Adam?'

  Julia pushed past him and went to her room, slamming the door behind her. Nervously she wondered if he would follow her to continue the argument, but then she heard the door of his study close. She gave a sigh. How long could they live together like this? One of them had to bend to the will of the other, and she was determined it wouldn't be her.

  Bending to the dressing table to take off her earrings, she caught sight of her face. How pale she looked; nothing like a wife of six months. No wonder Roy had said she was unhappy! But short of breaking her word to Adam and walking out, she did not know how to solve the situation. At least if she left, she would stand some chance of rebuilding her life; remaining here, she had no chance whatever.