Second Best Wife Page 5

  'You should at least marry someone who loves you,' she said firmly, 'even if you don't love her. I mean, if you expect to have children…' Embarrassed, she stood up. 'Your proposal is out of the question.'

  'Are you hoping to be reconciled with your ex-fiancé, then?'

  'I wouldn't have him back if he begged me. A man who lets you down once…' Julia stopped, unwilling to reveal her inner feelings to anyone, least of all this man, who treated marriage like a business contract.

  'Then why be in such a hurry to turn me down?' Adam Lester asked quietly. 'It seems we've both learned a painful lesson. I personally have no intention of allowing myself to be hurt again, and I have the impression you feel the same way.'

  'I do,' Julia said fervently.

  'Mind you, I'm forgetting how young you are,' he went on. 'And you may very well change your mind if you meet some other man. Maybe you do still believe in love.'

  'The more I believe in it, the more I'll fight against it,' said Julia. 'Love makes you too vulnerable, too open to hurt. I thought Roy was different, but he turned out to be no better than my—' she stopped short. 'No,' she continued huskily, 'I'm as cynical about the opposite sex as you are.'

  'Then marry me.'

  'But you want children,' she burst out, 'and I… No, it's out of the question.'

  'Do you find me repugnant?'

  Their eyes met and Julia reddened. 'No, I don't. But I…'

  'I won't rush you,' he interposed. 'I'm willing to wait until we know each other better.'

  'How long is better?'

  'That will be for you to decide. Three months, probably. That should be time enough for you to have grown used to me. Say yes, Julia. I promise you our marriage will have a better chance of succeeding than most. After all, we've worked together for four years, and you've seen the worst side of me, haven't you? Don't they say a man is an open book to his valet and secretary? And of course, you know my friends and business acquaintances, and I'm sure you'll run my home as capably as you do the office.'

  'You mean as second best, I'll do fine,' she said sarcastically.

  'Won't I do fine as second best for you?' he countered.

  Julia stared into Adam's face, comparing his decisive features with Roy's fine-cut ones. There was nothing delicate about Adam's strong nose or firm mouth with its full lower lip, any more than there was anything weak in the thick black eyebrows above the intelligent, glinting eyes.

  'As my wife, you would want for nothing,' he went on, coming round the side of his desk towards her. 'You will have a lovely home, a generous allowance to do with as you will, and we'd have a marriage based on friendship and respect. What could be more civilised?'

  Adam made it sound so simple that it seemed the height of stupidity not to concede. Yet it was his question about whether she was Waiting for Roy to return that prompted her to nod her head. It was a slight gesture, but he saw it at once, and smiled.

  'Good,' he said. 'You won't go back on your word, will you?'

  'No, but—'

  'I'll arrange for us to be married right away.'

  'Why the rush?' she asked, suddenly afraid.

  'Why do you think?'

  'You're scared that Mrs Dukes will get around you?'

  'Possibly.'

  'I thought you were too tough for that.'

  'So did I,' he sighed. 'But love makes fools of us all.'

  'Not of me,' Julia stated. 'At least, not any more.'

  They were words she was to remember later.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Fearing Julia might change her mind, Adam announced their engagement in The Times two days later. The news caused a sensation among his friends, as well as in the office, and Julia knew that had she foreseen the furore, she would never have agreed to his proposal. Typically, Adam also chose the day of the announcement to go to Paris to see a client, leaving Julia to cope alone.

  'I don't know how you managed to keep it so secret,' Susan Smith said to her. 'You could at least have given me a hint.'

  'And become a continual source of gossip?' Julia grinned. 'Adam would have loathed it.'

  'But no one even guessed! It's incredible. I still don't know how you managed to keep it a secret.' Susan eyed her enviously. 'Tell me, when's the great day?'

  'I'm not sure.' Julia spoke without thinking, but seeing Susan's surprise, added hastily: 'I'm leaving it for Adam to decide.'

  'I bet you'll have to leave everything to him. Is he as bossy in his private life as he is in the office?'

  'I refuse to answer that,' said Julia, forcing a laugh, then stopped short as Adam entered the room. She hadn't expected him back from Paris till later in the day, and was unexpectedly pleased to see him. Without any hesitation he walked across and lightly kissed her on the cheek.

  'Good morning, my dear,' he said, and held open the door of his room for her to precede him in.

  Silently she did as he bid, and he swiftly closed the door and gave her an ironic smile.

  'That went quite smoothly,' he commented. 'I don't think Miss Smith suspects anything, does she?'

  'Let's say she's suspended her disbelief,' Julia replied. 'But the whole office is awash with rumours of how I managed to snare you, and yesterday, when you conveniently absented yourself, the phones never stopped ringing.'

  'There was no point in us both suffering,' he said with shameless honesty.

  'I'll make sure it's jour turn next time!'

  'Fair enough. That's what our marriage should be, don't you think?—a partnership.'

  'I can't see it becoming one,' Julia stated. 'You're used to being the boss—as you are here—and I doubt if you could change.'

  'Don't confuse my professional self with the person I'll be at home,' he told her.

  'You mean you're a Jekyll and Hyde?'

  'Wait and see,' he smiled. 'Which reminds me, we needn't wait too long. The sooner we're married the better. If you're free tonight, perhaps you'll have dinner with me and we can discuss it?'

  'As we've just got engaged, I'm not likely to be going out with anyone else.'

  'How true,' he said, humour edging his voice. 'I merely asked out of politeness. I was always taught never to take a woman for granted!'

  'Even your secretary?'

  'You're my fiancée,' he corrected. 'And soon to be my wife.'

  'I still can't believe it,' she said nervously. 'Are you sure we're doing the right thing?'

  'We're doing the logical thing,' he answered, his expression serious. 'And since we've both eschewed romantic love, logic is all that's left to us.' He set his briefcase upon his desk. 'We'll have dinner at my house tonight, Julia. It's less public.'

  'Shall I go home and change first, or leave with you?'

  'Leave with me, of course. You look perfectly fine as you are.'

  So much for fancy clothes, Julia thought wryly, knowing how dull her navy skirt and white blouse was by comparison with the dress she had worn at Covent Garden. She was wearing her hair in its usual coil too, pinned tightly upon the back of her head; not that Adam had noticed this either. But then why should he? She wasn't the woman he loved; merely the logical choice of a man who had decided to take second best.

  The door behind them opened and Adam swung round. His features hardened visibly and Julia had no need to look round herself to know who it was who had come in unannounced. With commendable calm she turned. Erica Dukes stood on the threshold. Dressed in mourning lilac— black was only for aged or weeping widows—she looked the picture of brave sadness. Only her eyes denied the portrayal: icy cold and hard, they swept over Julia with contempt before coming to rest on the man.

  'I want to talk to you, Adam,' she said softly. 'Alone.'

  'You may talk freely in front of Julia,' he replied. 'We have no secrets from one another.'

  'I think I could come up with one or two,' Erica replied, 'or does Miss Gosford know all your little idiosyncrasies?'

  Faint colour tinged Adam's face, and he gave Julia a quick look whic
h, ever the perfect secretary, she correctly interpreted by silently retreating into her own office. She was surprised to find she was trembling with anger, and pondered on whether it was against Erica for coming here, Adam for not standing his ground and sending her packing, or herself for caring what the hell he did. Little idiosyncrasies indeed!

  With an effort Julia forced herself to do some work, but it was hard going, for she was on the alert for Adam's call. Did the advent of Erica mean he might change his mind about going ahead with his planned marriage? Considering she had her own doubts about its advisability, she could not understand why the idea of his backing out of it should be so disturbing. Of course if he did, it would mean loss of face for her, and also the necessity of finding another job; a discarded fiancée could not remain in situ once she had been replaced; and this alone was enough to make her despondent. With renewed effort she continued typing, and was on her third letter when the door of Adam's office burst open and Erica stormed past her, banging the door of Julia's room with such force that some papers lifted and fell to the floor.

  'I'm sorry about that,' said Adam from the doorway of his room. Although his voice was calm, he looked distinctly pale, which accentuated the black of his hair and the thickness of his eyebrows. The scene with Erica had obviously upset him, and Julia guessed what it must have cost him to send her away. Suddenly she knew it was out of the question for her to go on with this pretence.

  'Adam, I don't—'

  'Julia, I—'

  They spoke simultaneously, and stopped simultaneously too.

  'Please go on,' Julia said automatically.

  'I only wanted to say I think we should get married next Saturday. It's going to be embarrassing having you in the office, and there's no earthly reason for us to delay things.'

  'I thought we were going to discuss the date tonight?'

  'We were. But seeing Erica…'

  Adam's voice was thin and Julia felt desperately sorry for him. Yet his misery was of his own making; caused by pride alone, which would not allow him to remain with the woman he loved, unless she proved that love in the way he wanted.

  'If you weren't so obstinate,' she said, 'you could remain with Mrs Dukes.'

  'We've already gone into the reasons why I won't,' he replied, 'so for God's sake let the matter drop! Just tell me whether next Saturday suits you.'

  As she stared into his eyes, bleak and pain-filled, Julia's doubts dissolved. If marrying her would help him recover his usual verve and strength, how could she refuse? As he had said only a short while ago, it was the logical thing for both of them to do.

  'Saturday will be fine,' she answered.

  'Good. Now clear out your desk and tell one of the other girls to take over from you. Miss Smith will probably be able to manage until I can get someone better.'

  'Miss Smith will get better once she stops being petrified of you,' Julia informed him. 'Just be a little patient with her.'

  'And say please and thank you?' he enquired sarcastically.

  'That's fine for starters!'

  Unexpectedly, he laughed. 'Oh, Julia, I'm beginning to realise how little I've known you in all the years you've worked for me. And here I was, thinking I was taking myself a meek little wife!'

  'A meek little wife would bore you to death,' Julia said without expression, trying not to let him see how pleased she was that she could, even temporarily, bring a smile to his face. 'You need someone to argue with you and bring you down to earth from time to time.'

  Dark eyebrows lifted. 'I thought I was always down to earth? It's what my clients pay me to be.'

  'Down to earth in terms of your illustrious clients is different from the way most people think of it. A month in a Sheik's palace, and you return to the office and make life hell for everyone!'

  'My, my, I am learning things about myself! Being married to you, Julia, is going to be like wearing a hair shirt!'

  'You can always take it off.'

  His eyebrows rose higher. 'You mean divorce?'

  'Well, we're getting married in a register office.'

  'It's legal and binding, nonetheless. And since I'm a lawyer, that's how I regard all contracts.'

  'You may fall in love with someone else,' she ventured.

  'So may you.'

  'No.' Julia's blue eyes darkened like azure skies in a storm. 'I'm not looking for love, Adam. Quite the opposite. But if it does happen, then I shall tell you and ask for my freedom.'

  'Good,' he said crisply. 'I promise to do the same. Now hurry up and clean out your desk.'

  Julia felt sad at leaving the firm. Yet she agreed with Adam that it was far better for her to leave at once. In the years she had worked here, she had learned a lot. She had even, on occasion, thought of studying law: going to evening classes in the hope of qualifying as a solicitor herself. Now the idea would have to be abandoned, for she could not imagine Adam wanting his wife to be a career woman. In that sense he was like Roy. Yet not quite, for Roy had also disliked it when she had shown herself to be more knowledgeable on a subject than he was, whereas Adam enjoyed the occasional astute comments she made about one or other of his cases or clients and, even when disagreeing with her, had always taken the time to explain why he did. Perhaps she should ask him outright how he felt about her furthering her education.

  The opportunity came that night, when she dined at his home. He had shown her over it briefly and then introduced her to the middle-aged couple who ran it for him, with the help of a younger Filipino woman.

  'I can see I won't have much housework or cooking to occupy me,'- she commented as she sipped the delicious artichoke soup. 'Would you object very much if I elected to study for a degree?'

  'Not if you have the time and the inclination. But if we start a family, you won't have much spare time for a few years. I meant what I said about wanting children, Julia.'

  She knew her cheeks were reddening but could do nothing to stop it. 'I realise that,' she mumbled. 'But I—I told you I couldn't live with you physically until I… until I got to know you better.'

  'Can you think of a better way of getting to know me than by sharing my bed?'

  'You know what I mean,' she protested.

  'I'm not sure I do. We've known each other nearly four years, Julia; long enough for us not to be strangers with each other.'

  'There's a difference between being business colleagues and being lovers,' she protested. 'Anyway, you promised to give me time.'

  'I won't go back on my word. But I'm thinking in terms of months, not years. I want to be young enough to enjoy my children.'

  'They'll be children of a woman you don't love,' Julia warned him, experiencing an odd pang of hurt as she said the words.

  'They'll be the children of someone whom I admire and respect,' he countered. 'That's as good a basis as love—sometimes better—for love can blind you to many other important things.' He paused. 'As my love for Erica did.'

  'Learning how to see was very painful for you,' Julia said softly, knowing how much Adam had always trusted his judgment.

  'Yes, it was. But it's a lesson I hope I've learned well. No other woman will ever be able to blind me again.'

  'How can you be certain? You make everything sound so cut and dried. Doesn't it ever worry you that things may not turn out the way you anticipate? That they could go wrong?'

  'They already have,' Adam replied tersely, 'but see the good that's come out of it all? You, for a start.'

  'A substitute only.'

  'Is that how you see me?'

  'You're not anything like Roy,' Julia replied quickly. 'You've a much stronger personality. Just as your Erica is more dynamic than I am.'

  'Never my Erica.' Adam put his glass on the table with such force that wine splashed out, and Julia was surprised the stem did not break.

  But no one could have been calmer than Adam on the morning of their wedding. And later, at the reception at Claridges, he gave the impression that he could not be happier. Julia decided th
at the stage had lost a great actor when he took up law, and wished she found it as easy to simulate. But each time Adam led her to a group of his friends, she felt herself stiffen awkwardly, and she was shaking with nerves when they cut the wedding cake and he kissed her full on the mouth.

  Yet for all his bonhomie, he guessed her feelings, for he gave her hand a comforting squeeze. 'It's nearly over, Julia,' he whispered. 'In half an hour we'll be on our way to the airport.'

  'I can't believe we'll be away for a whole month,' she whispered back. 'I still think your clients will be chasing after you!'

  'Don't you believe it,' he grinned. 'No one is indispensable. That's a lesson I learned long ago.'

  It was only later, when they were winging their way to India, that Julia asked Adam why he had wanted such a long honeymoon.

  'Because I didn't want it to look as if our marriage was a last-minute arrangement. Rather that everything had been planned a long time ago,' he said bluntly. 'A weekend in Paris or ten days in Bermuda would have been suspect, but no one will believe I fixed this honeymoon in forty-eight hours.'

  'I can't believe it myself,' she confessed. 'Miss Smith must be a genius at organising.'

  'I was the genius,' he replied. 'A client of mine re-commended me to a travel agent who pulled out all the stops.'

  'Four weeks is a long time to be away from work,' Julia murmured. 'I hope you won't be bored.'

  'I won't give myself a chance.' As if to prove his point, he picked up the book that lay on his lap, an American survey of company taxation. 'Did you bring anything to read?' he asked as an afterthought.

  'Only a magazine.'

  Leaning forward, he took another book from the briefcase at his feet. Expecting something that would suit his own taste, rather than hers, Julia was surprised to see it was a current best-seller.

  'I had an idea you wouldn't bring anything with you,' he explained, handing it to her.

  'You're very thoughtful.'

  'I intend making our marriage work, Julia. I won't allow it to fail.'

  'I realise that. You've always despised failure.'

  'I also despise the pity that goes with it.'