Second Best Wife Page 6

  She eyed him frankly, straightening in her seat to do it. 'I'm surprised you worry so much what people think of you. You're successful enough to make your own rules.'

  'That's what I keep telling myself,' Adam admitted, 'but I can't make myself believe it.'

  Her curiosity deepened. 'Why do you set so much store by success, Adam? Were you a failure when you were young?'

  'Is this a catechism?'

  'It's a question a wife might easily ask.'

  'When you're my wife—in the real sense—ask me the question again.'

  It was a justifiable comment, albeit a sharp one, and it surprised her, making her wonder about the past of this intelligent, autocratic man she had married. She twisted the wedding ring on her finger, unused to it, and trying not to think of it as a mark of ownership.

  The flight was long and uneventful. The plane was packed to capacity, though as Julia and Adam were travelling first class, they had ample room. Despite this, Julia found it tiring to sit for such a long period, and envied Adam his ability to relax. She knew he was surprised at how little she had travelled, and she had not bothered explaining to him that a single girl, with no resources other than what she earned, had little opportunity of going to exotic places. For an intelligent man, he could sometimes be very insensitive. But then, in the moneyed circles in which he mixed, working girls with small bank accounts did not exist.

  But now I'm one of the moneyed people too, she thought wryly, and waited to feel a thrill of pleasure. None came, and she made herself think of the clothes she could buy, the jewellery she could wear, the places she could visit. But the strongest thought remained the man sitting beside her. Adam, her husband and anxious-to-be-lover. Hurriedly she shied away from the images this aroused in her mind, glad no one else could see them.

  It was midday when they landed in Bombay, and nearly two hours later before they reached the Taj Mahal Hotel, Indian Customs and Immigration being painstakingly slow, and the drive from the airport exceptionally long. But the hotel was magnificent; overlooking the ocean and the imposing Victoria Gate, a relic of British rule.

  'I'm afraid we couldn't get into the old wing,' Adam apologised as the lift took them up to the eighth floor of the modern section. 'But at such short notice we were lucky to get in at all.'

  'I bet you wouldn't be happy with less than this place,' she smiled.

  'I like the best,' he agreed.

  As if the words reminded him that in marrying Julia he had accepted second best, Adam's mouth set in a hard line which only relaxed as they entered their large suite of rooms.

  Julia, who had been worried at the prospect of sharing a bedroom with him, breathed a sigh of relief, and hearing it, he touched her arm lightly.

  'You've no need to be afraid of me, Julia. I've never yet forced myself on any woman.'

  Trying to hide her embarrassment, she gave him a shy glance. 'I know we agreed to wait, but this is your honeymoon and—and—'

  'It's a holiday for us,' he said quickly. 'A time for us to relax and see each other as individuals, away from all outside pressures.' He looked at his watch. 'Would you like to unpack and have a rest, or do you want to freshen up and take a look at the city?'

  'What would you like to do?'

  He smiled. 'I asked the question before you did, so it has to be your decision. Don't forget you're my wife now, not my secretary.'

  Her eyes met his. 'I think I'd like to rest.'

  'Then I'll do the same. Is two hours enough?' At her nod, he walked towards his bedroom. 'I'll see you later, Julia. If there's anything you need, ring for it. The Taj pride themselves on their service.'

  It was early afternoon when Julia re-entered the sitting-room that linked their two bedrooms. The decor here was lushly Mogul, with silk, down-filled cushions on well-upholstered settees, intricately patterned green and red wallpaper that matched the brocade curtains at the wide window, and a balcony that ran the full length of the suite. The air-conditioning was on and the doors were closed, and when Julia opened them and stepped outside, the heat was so intense that it physically overwhelmed her, and she quickly returned to the room.

  'This is a fairly cool time of year,' Adam commented, smiling at her expression. 'It will be hotter than this in a few weeks. That's why we're starting our holiday here, instead of concluding it.'

  'Where do we go from Bombay?'

  'The itinerary's on the table.' He nodded towards it. 'We go to Calcutta, then up to the Plains and Kashmir, stopping at several places en route.'

  'Kashmir!' Julia exclaimed. 'Oh, I've always wanted to go there. It's supposed to be breathtakingly beautiful, isn't it? Are we staying on a houseboat?'

  'Yes, for a week. Then after some more sightseeing, we go on to Delhi and then home.'

  'What made you choose to come to India? You don't have clients here,' she added pointedly.

  'That's why I chose it,' he grinned.

  Julia smiled back, aware of how boyish Adam looked when he relaxed. Normally she tended to think of him as older than his thirty-five years, and knew that he did not consider himself young. Had he done, he would never have been disturbed by the prospect of waiting four years to marry Erica and start a family. Wishing she could be as casual about love as most of her contemporaries, Julia went over to the table, picked up the itinerary and read it.

  'I'm glad we'll be having a week's rest in Kashmir,' she murmured. 'We'll need it after the sightseeing on this schedule.'

  'We can always cut out some of it if you get tired,' he said quickly. 'But for now, let's go down and have something to eat and then take a look at Bombay. It's supposed to be a wonderful place for shopping.'

  'I'm sure you won't want to spend your holiday doing that!'

  'Not all the time,' he agreed. 'But I know how women love buying things, and Bombay has excellent leather goods and jewellery, though Delhi is the place for material. You must buy some things for yourself, Julia. I've a fancy to see you in an exotic coloured sari.'

  Recollecting that Roy had only liked her in pastels, Julia marvelled again at how different the two men were. But would Adam's sensuality be as controlled as Roy's?

  'What's the matter?' Adam asked, quick to sense her agitation.

  'Nothing,' she lied. 'Just a pang of hunger.'

  In the weeks that followed, Julia was to see an entirely new side to the man she had married, and came to the conclusion that, like an iceberg, he kept the larger part of himself hidden, both from friends and from colleagues. Anticipating that his energy and volatile nature would make him restless on holiday, she found instead that the joie de vivre which he put into his work applied to his leisure time too. He had come away to enjoy himself and enjoy himself he was determined to do. He was an avid sightseer and, having gleaned what he could from books, encouraged their personal guides to expound at length on everything they saw and did. Finding an enthusiastic listener, the guides invariably regaled them with the past history of the country, bringing to breathtaking life every palace and monument they visited.

  Julia tried and failed to see Erica enjoying this kind of holiday, and then decided that Adam would never have brought her here. Had he married the cool blonde, they would have honeymooned in a private yacht or a luxurious resort like Acapulco or Palm Beach. Yet looking at Adam as he wandered beside her, casual in shorts and open-necked shirt, his eyes alert with interest, Julia found it difficult to imagine him lying inertly on a beach for days on end.

  By the time they reached Kashmir, she was exhausted by the heat and constant travel, but Adam was still full of boundless energy. His skin had tanned even darker under the hot tropical sun, and but for the fact that he was tall and broad-shouldered, he might well have been mistaken for an Indian. Julia too was tanned, and there were glints of gold in her thick auburn hair.

  They had taken a plane to Srinagar, a quaint city on the banks of the River Jhelum in the Western Himalayas. Lakes abounded in the forest-covered mountains above the town, including Lake Dal where the
ir houseboat was moored. Expecting a cabin cruiser, Julia was astonished by the size of the boat. It was a hundred and twenty feet long and twenty feet wide, and had two smaller boats attached to it: a kitchen boat for the servants, and a shikara boat which Adam and Julia could use if they wanted to go on expeditions to Srinagar and other nearby towns.

  'I think I could live here for ever,' she said ecstatically, running from one room to another.

  There were five rooms in all: three bedrooms, each with its own bathroom, and two sitting-rooms. The furniture was predominantly bamboo and covered with soft, colourful cushions. There were gay Indian rugs on the floor and billowing Indian cotton curtains at the portholes. There was also a large terrace for sunbathing, and it was here that they sat and had a pre-dinner drink, while from the kitchen boat the delicious scent of curry and fruit wafted across to them in the breeze.

  Julia was wearing a long housedress she had bought in Bombay. It was in vivid blues and greens, a dramatic foil for her glorious hair, which tonight cascaded about her shoulders.

  'You should always wear your hair that way,' Adam commented, and Julia realised he had been studying her for several moments. She tried not to appear embarrassed and was glad her voice was composed when she spoke.

  'I prefer my hair away from my face when it's hot.'

  'Then wear it loose in the evenings,' he persisted.

  'Don't you think it more sophisticated worn up?'

  'I think a woman—anyone for that matter—should wear what suits her. I agree that if one ignores the fashion dictates completely, one can look strange, but so you can if you follow fashion slavishly!' He gave a wry smile. 'How portentous I sound, when all I really mean is that I like women to look feminine, and you look especially so, with your hair loose. It's a glorious colour and texture,' he added. 'Like wine-red silk.' He caught a tress between his fingers and stroked it. Then he moved his arm slightly and put his hand beneath her chin, tilting it to look into her eyes. 'Do you like it here, Julia?'

  'Do you need to ask? This place is heaven.'

  'And you look like one of the fallen angels in that dress,' he teased. 'It's far too sexy for heaven.'

  'Sexy? But it hangs loose like a shroud.'

  'Why do women always think tight-fitting clothing more provocative? Loose things leave far more to the imagination, and I'm afraid mine is running riot at the moment.'

  Adam was unsmiling as he spoke, and Julia coloured hotly.

  'You're even more beautiful when you blush,' he said softly, and lowering his head, placed his mouth upon hers.

  She tensed, but he took no notice and gently went on caressing her lips. His tenderness was unnerving and caused a response within her she had not expected. All at once she felt vulnerable—in Adam's power—and this was something she did not want; nor did she want to show any affection towards him, aware that if it suited him, he might use it against her at some later stage.

  'Why are you so nervous of me?' he whispered against her mouth.

  'You took me by surprise.'

  'I haven't taken you yet.'

  She quivered at the implication. 'You're being too literal.'

  'It's my training.'

  'I hope you're well trained?'

  'As a lover?' he asked.

  'No, as a lawyer.'

  He knew instantly what she meant, for he raised his mouth from hers and moved back. 'I don't need reminding of my promise, Julia. But you're very lovely and I found you too tempting to resist.'

  Although she knew she should be flattered, she was angry that, strong-minded as he was, he could be sufficiently sexually aroused by her beauty to forget the promise he had made to her. What a prey men were to their sensual appetites! It weakened their resolve and frequently made nonsense of their intelligence.

  'You're angry with me, aren't you?' he stated.

  'Not with you.'

  'Then with whom?'

  'Men in general. They're all the same.'

  She walked over to the side of the boat and stared down into the dark green waters of the lake. The Indian dusk was slowly settling around them, and fingers of purple and pink light streaked the azure sky.

  'Is it only because of your ex-fiancé that you're so cynical?' Adam enquired behind her. 'One swallow doesn't make a summer, you know.'

  'I'm aware of that, and it isn't only because of Roy.' Julia found it difficult to go on. She had never spoken to anyone about her parents' marriage, and was too used to hiding her feelings to express them now.

  'Then what's made you such an expert on the weakness of men?' Adam persisted. 'Tell me the truth, Julia. I'm not prying from idle curiosity.'

  'Aren't you?'

  'Don't you know me better than that?' He moved a step, which brought him to stand at her side. 'I want our marriage to succeed, my dear, and getting to understand your fears and prejudices will help me to understand the inner you. You're still very much an enigma to me.' 'Perhaps that's part of my fascination,' she said lightly. 'And part of my frustration,' he quipped. 'A little of the unknown can be intriguing, I agree, but too much can prevent any relationship from forming.'

  Julia knew he was right, and realised that if she wanted this loveless marriage to succeed, she would have to do as he said. Secrecy built barriers, and too many barriers would make it impossible for them to find contentment with each other. She bit back a sigh. What an indictment on her life that, at twenty-three, she should be willing to settle for contentment in marriage and close her mind to passion, to the heart-stopping blaze of sexual love.

  'My father was a devotee of beautiful women,' she said, without turning to look at Adam. 'That's why he married my mother. She was exceptionally lovely: hair like mine, but with creamy coloured skin and absolutely classical features. She could easily have been a model for a pre-Raphaelite painting. But one beautiful woman never satisfied my father for long. He was always chasing after others, and he left her ten, twelve—oh, I don't know how many times.'

  'And now you equate all men with your father?'

  'Most of them, given the chance, can rarely be faithful. Roy was the same and so are you. You're in love with Erica Dukes, yet it doesn't stop you wanting to make love to me.'

  'You're my wife, Julia,' Adam replied. 'I've no need to feel any disloyalty to Erica. I've shut her out of my mind.'

  'How can you forget the woman you love?' Julia demanded, swinging round.

  'I haven't forgotten her. But I refuse to live in the past. My future is with you.'

  Even in the dusk Julia saw the shine in his eyes, but could not tell if it came from anger or sadness.

  'I've no intention of spoiling the rest of my life because I was foolish enough to fall in love with a woman who doesn't know the meaning of the word,' he went on. 'I suppose you think I should have waited to fall in love again, but as I've already told you, I don't want that kind of emotion—any more than you do. We neither of us want to be hurt again, which is why I asked you to marry me. I've known and respected you for nearly four years, and if that doesn't lead to a good marriage, then nothing will.'

  'How rational you make everything sound! Yet when you kissed me just now, I felt cheap.'

  Adam's breath drew in sharply. 'I'm sorry you find my kisses demeaning,' he said. 'Most women would have been flattered.' He put up his hand to stop her replying. 'And please don't say you're not like most women. I know that already—otherwise I wouldn't have married you.'

  In a way it was an apology, and Julia accepted it, knowing he did not often admit he was in the wrong, even to his closest friends.

  'Don't be angry with me, Adam,' she said huskily. 'But everything seems so unreal—our marriage and my being here with you. It will take me time to get used to it. After all, you've been my employer for so long, it isn't easy to start thinking of you as my husband. It still seems like a dream.'

  'Then don't turn it into a nightmare, or me into an ogre. I'm a very ordinary, normal man.'

  'Normal, I agree,' she smiled, 'but I would nev
er call you ordinary.'

  'At which point I suggest we go in for dinner,' Adam said, smiling, giving her his arm.

  Together they walked across the deck to the dining room. Through the open doorway Julia saw the beautifully laid table. Candles had been lit, casting their soft radiance on polished wood, exotic flowers and the mellow glow of brass cutlery.

  'You could almost call this place our first home,' Adam murmured. 'But as we're still keeping our marriage platonic, I won't suggest carrying you over the threshold!'

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Julia's return to London, after her honeymoon with Adam, marked the start of a completely new life. She sail found it hard to envisage a permanent future with him and, as she wandered through his beautiful Chester Street house, again marvelled that she had got herself into this situation. Would she ever be able to regard this place as her home? How would she cope with the domestic staff and fit into her role as Adam's hostess? They were questions which worried her deeply, yet she dared not burden him with them. He believed her to be capable and confident, and she had no intention of letting him know how disturbed she was. Besides, he wouldn't care; his only concern was that she put on a convincing performance.

  Since the night on the houseboat in Kashmir, Adam had not overstepped the boundaries of propriety. In fact he had been so restrained that it had been almost like holidaying with a brother. His camaraderie had helped to loosen her nervousness with him, and though she was still conscious of the social and educational differences between them, she knew these were fast beginning to matter less and less. Which was as it should be. In her own right, Julia knew she could contribute as much to their marriage as Adam: her calm, her sympathy, her understanding of the moods that swayed him during his hectic hours of work, were what turned a girl-friend into a beloved wife. Except that she had never been the girl-friend and was unlikely ever to be anything more than his beloved substitute.

  Once back at work, Adam had quickly reverted to his role as the dynamic, supercharged international lawyer. Until their marriage Julia had only seen his behaviour in the office, but living with him, she soon realised that even when away from it, he was always mulling over the day's events.